I don’t remember the guy i dated a year ago. But i STILL remember your first gaze at me. Your eyes had a different charm. they were magnetic. possibly the best part of your personality. I just couldn’t take my eyes off yours. That’s when i realized that I’d been staring too hard and long. But i just couldn’t stop. you’d noticed it too. I kept looking into your eyes from across the class like a fool. Your eyes are like a kid’s. With a blend of innocence and playfulness.
I don’t know how it happened. It just did. There was something very alluring about you that kept me thinking about you. Your single stare and a faint smile was enough for me to keep smiling all day. I was never so mad about anything or anyone. i myself couldn’t understand what was happening. But something was changing in me. The more i used to see him the more irresistible and irrevocable my feelings used to get.
And the most astonishing part was, i always knew that you’d never be mine. But i never thought about being with you. Just looking at you made my head spin each time. You made all my emotions come out. Never in my entire life have i felt so alive, connected, euphoric, sad and intense for that matter.!! You’ve made me cry till i choked. You’ve even made me blush till my cheeks hurt.
I have had splendid memories of and with you.! and whenever i see you or think about you, i recollect everything and i can just afford to smile =)
I’ve caused problems for you, which i really never meant to. In fact you were not supposed to know about my feelings for you in the first place. I still can’t decide if what happened has been for the good or not.
But unknowingly you’ve helped me. Taught me how to be strong. How to change rules and how to believe in what you do. You taught me how to be free. How to challenge the world. You taught me how to dare to love, even if it’s not meant to be!
You sometimes keep me up at nights. The thought of you makes me sleep at times. You bring out the real me. You guide me at hours of weakness. Whenever i’m about to do something bad, your thought comes to my mind and refrain from proceeding with the ruinous activity.
Now i realize, it was not love. It was something more. not love, but something else. Something which i cannot name. being with you and knowing you gave me power.
I still don’t understand why this happened and why am i not able to stop it. But one thing i know for sure is that i’d want him to be in my life forever. keep teaching me things about life, knowingly, unknowingly.
I can’t write anymore. It brings back the past overly exposed in front of me.
And the only one thing i’m sure of is that i’m extremely lucky and glad to have met you.
I don’t dream of being your partner or spending some “quality” time with you.
I just want you to be there. In.My.Life.Forever. Don’t know as what, But, Just be there.